Family law

What Should I Tell My Kids About Going to Court?

Quick answer

Children usually know something is going on long before anyone explains it to them. How you talk about the court case can protect them, and it can also affect how a judge sees you as a parent.

Researched by Dan Martin, Legal Researcher · Published by Onbello Legal · Last updated June 2026

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What to tell the kids about court

Keep it simple and age-appropriate

Most children do not need details. A short, calm explanation is usually enough: the grown-ups are working with a judge to make decisions about where the kids will live and when they will see each parent, and the children are not in trouble and did not cause any of it.

Younger children need reassurance more than information. Older children and teens may ask harder questions. You can answer honestly without sharing the specifics of filings, money, or what the other parent did. If you do not know the answer yet, it is fine to say so.

What to leave out

Do not share court documents, declarations, or text messages with your children, and do not read them pieces of the other parent's filings. Do not ask them to carry messages, report on the other parent's home, or take a side. Avoid negative talk about the other parent in front of them, even when you feel it is deserved.

Courts in every state pay close attention to whether a parent is involving children in the conflict or trying to influence what they say. Judges, mediators, custody evaluators, and minor's counsel are trained to spot coaching and loyalty pressure. It tends to damage the parent doing it, and it is hard on the child.

If your child may be interviewed or asked to speak

In some cases a judge, mediator, or evaluator may talk with a child directly. Whether that happens, at what age, and in what setting varies by state and by county. Check your state's guide and your local court's procedures rather than assuming.

If your child will be interviewed, the best preparation is usually no preparation at all. Tell them it is okay to be honest, that there are no wrong answers, and that they will not get anyone in trouble. Rehearsing answers or telling a child what to say is the kind of thing professionals notice and report.

Take care of yourself so you can take care of them

Children take their cues from the adults around them. If you can stay steady, keep routines in place, and keep the case out of daily life, most kids do far better than parents fear. Counselors, school staff, and co-parenting classes can help, and some courts require or offer parenting classes during a custody case.

Onbello prepares documents and explains the process in plain English. We are not a law firm and cannot give legal advice. If your situation involves safety concerns, abuse allegations, or a child who is already struggling, talk with a licensed attorney or a family counselor in your state.

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Where to check this

Forms, deadlines, and local rules change. Verify anything on this page against the official self-help resources for your state before you rely on it.

This page is general legal information, not legal advice, and does not create an attorney–client relationship. Laws and local rules vary and change. For advice about your situation, consult a licensed family-law attorney in your state.